Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
