one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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