i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
