not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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