does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So much Jack, so little girl.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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