Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
