he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
