If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
