I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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