I met the friendliest cop last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
