I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
