No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
