the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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