some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
