Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't deserve a penis
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
