bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
