I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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