I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
