He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
