winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
