I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
