he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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