i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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