I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
