You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
