Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
