I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize