tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
