It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
