I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
