i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it glows. i had to have it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
