Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just had sex bonerless
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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