I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
