and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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