Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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