I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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