You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
