Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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