I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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