I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
