today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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