You work out of a Hotel?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
