Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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