kristin has been a bad kristin
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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