I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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