They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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