So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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