Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
