Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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