So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
