I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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