why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
