just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
