conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
