I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
