accomplished twins. life is a go
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
