i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
