Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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