It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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