people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
