Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
