can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
