I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
