Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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