i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
