party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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