why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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