Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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