Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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