but the lizard people decide everything anyway
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
