I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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