The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
