Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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