hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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