i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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