I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
