I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
