I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
